I am a dog...

I am a dog. This is not an exaggeration, nor is it a metaphor...I bark. I pant. In many ways, human, my life is superior to yours. I can lick anything. Bark, bark, woof, woof...I'm a dawg, dawg, dawg...
But I'm also a scientist.
Inventor of the poo-flavored pig-ear, that's me. I did my dogtoral work at Snarling Green. It's hard to write dog jokes...

Guest Writer: Dullard

RETICULATE! I SAY!!!

Reticulation, Reticulation
Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation, Reticulation
Reticulate, Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation, Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate, Reticulate, Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate, Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate,
What a beautiful network!

My mind is completely blank!

All the time! I'm going to be quiet...for my mind is completely blank!

Guest Writer: Dullard

What?

What is going on? I don't know. Dum de dum, dum de dum...runs through my head every day. Dum de dum, dum de dum. Hum, what's this? A half eaten peanut butter and honey sandwich stuck to my ample rear? Yummy! I'll down this with this lumpy milk. Delicious! Dum de dum, dum de dum. Look at the pretty flowers. Look at the pretty trodden flowers. Ha ha! Ha ha! Dum de dum, dum de dum. La de dah, la de dah. Wondering through this dark forest. Filled with darkness and giant looming trees. La de dah, la de dah. What! Help! A hungry bear! Oh no, run Forrest, run! Dum de dum, dum de dum. Look at that! A pizza joint! Yummy food in my tummy. Dum de dum, dum de dum...let me eat my pizza!

Guest Writer: Dullard

Dullard's Discourse

Dum de dum, dum de dum, dum de dum,
Sloshing a tankard of delicious rum,
Stumbling over my gigantic feet,
As I totter towards a beautiful lovely,
Whoa! I stagger away from the slovenly,
Bumping into a table of drunkards,
Low and behold there's a chunkard,
Waddling menacing towards my frightened self,
What can I do except hide behind a tiny elf,
Who happens to be an angry drunk dwarf,
I save myself by using telekinesis to morph,
But wait, I accidentally split myself in half,
As the bar erupts into hearty side splitting laughs,
And I walk my bottom half to my top,
Wishing I could make this madness stop,
But alas, as the Dullard I am,
All I can do is avoid the wham,
Of a chunkards fist in my belly,
And as I spew all over the telly,
I decide next time I'll stand in line,
Instead of guzzling a bottle of wine,
When they hand out the brains,
And a Dullard's Discourse will be no more.

Guest Writer: Dullard

Doggerel

Let's learn to walk today!
Little boys and girls,
Off to the woods we go,
Holding hands and singing songs,
Lift a foot high in the air,
And plop the foot down,
Raise the other foot,
And plop the foot down,
And there we go a walkin',
Off into the woods,
And if the body hops a little,
There we go a skippin',
Off into the woods,
And as the bear approaches,
Lift the feet higher and faster,
And off we go a runnin',
Down the slope into water,
And kick your legs and flail your arms,
And off we go a swimmin',
Away from the shocks of an electric eel,
And finally we are home,
Draggin' our feet in tiredness,
But we had a grand day,
Of learning how to walk!