Cookies, Anyone?

Christmas is upon us once again! Santa, my favorite giant man in a red suit, PLEASE, PLEASE, place under my Charlie Brown Christmas tree, a round blue tin...ROYAL DANSK DANISH BUTTER COOKIES!!! I have been VERY NICE this year, and deserve a special sugary sweet...and I'll leave a glass of cold milk and homemade cookies for you next to my sad little tree...Sigh...a single tear running down my cheek...until my face brightens up with a huge smile...as DANISH BUTTER COOKIES melt in my mouth...delicious...sigh of contentment...if only you dear reader were so lucky to experience such a heavenly concoction...mmm...mmm...

christmas doldrums...

woe is me,
christmas doldrums are here,
please set me free,
for there is no cheer in the air,
all i feel is frosty chills from passersby,
as they jangle their empty pockets,
and sadly lament their fate with sighs,
as they pawn their grandmother's locket,
all to create a festive mood,
that no one notices,
christmas spirit,
please appear,
before we all disappear,
and only despair,
will be left behind,
as ghostly forms wander by,
and christmas doldrums are the norm

La De Dah!!!

La De Dah!!!
Wackiness ensues today!
Wonderful ideas dance in my head,
And then swim away...
Taking away my creativity and charm!
La De Dah!!!
Christmas is in the air!
With lots of snow and cold noses...
Let's skip Turkey Day...
Go directly to Presents!
La De Dah!!!
Economy is sinking fast...
Grab a floating device before you drown...
In the debt you created along with society!
La De Dah!!!
Christmas joys disappear...
As lots of dollar store finds appear...
Under the Charlie Brown Christmas tree!
La De Dah!!!
Wackiness ensues...
Endure the craziness...
And treasures may be found!
La De Dah!!!

Who to Vote For? B.E. or B.E.?

I'm in a quandary - who should I vote for America? B.E. or B.E.? B.E., with his white hair and female V.P. are an interesting choice. Very wise of B.E. to pick a female V.P. Unconventional, unorthodox, and a classy way to sway the female mind. Or should I choose B.E., with his white haired V.P.? Also a smart move of B.E. to pick a very classic portrayal of America, the white haired Caucasian. A safe pick for a presidential candidate who is the opposite of the classic American. Interesting enough, who are these men, B.E. and B.E.? Also, if I support either B.E.s, will I also be supporting B.E.? Who knows? Only the future knows, and since I am far from psychic, I will also be left in the dark, along with all the other Americans (and aliens), until four years from now, we shall look back and realized we should have voted for neither! Anyway, don't let my blog sway your vote in any way. Choose Blank Eyes or Big Ears (both who will try to crush Bankrupt Economy), or an Independent if you dare. VOTE, as all the commercials say! VOTE as all the celebrities say! VOTE, or you're deemed a communist by all the folks who impose their will on you! VOTE, I SAY!!! YOU COMMUNIST, IF YOU DON'T VOTE!!!

Crazy Cat, Crazy Cat, Crazy Cat in my Pocket!!!

Crazy cat, crazy cat, crazy cat in my pocket,
How your green dull eyes have sunken in their sockets,
Once a fatso, dimwitted brown tabby cat,
Now a sickly dimwitted brown tabby cat,
Won't you eat,
Time consuming pet,
With your feeding tube sticking out from your neck,
Lots of green leaving my pocket book,
While you laze about in your favorite nook,
Tell me why crazy cat,
Let's have a little chat,
How to tempt you to be a piggy pig,
And once more be DIMWITTED AND BIG!!!

Update on Sick Cat

Sick cat gained two ounces in 5 days. Lots of work to feed and maintain his breathing status...

UPDATE ON POOR CAT!

POOR LITTLE KITTY CAT HAS A FEEDING TUBE SO HE WILL GAIN WEIGHT AND HOPEFULLY EAT! NICE VET MADE SWEATER FOR HIM. ALWAYS GO TO THE VET IF A DUMB FAT CAT STOPS EATING EVEN FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME! IF NOT, PAY THE PRICE! FATSO CAT, BE STRONG AND EAT! THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE BEST AT!

Why Not to Have an OverWeight Cat!

Fatty Liver Disease takes over my cat and my life!!! Once a fat healthy overweight cat, doing nothing but sleeping and eating...six weeks later and six pounds lighter, we're force feeding him and trying a multitude of methods to stimulate his appetite. Fatty Liver Disease is deadly...if your cat is older and overweight and stops eating for any length of time - TAKE HIM TO THE VET!!! btwc

Favorite YouTube Video? Anyone?

As I was wandering the wonderful web of nonsensical nothings on the internet, I stumbled upon a video that encompasses my feelings perfectly for DBCITBT...and if you listen closely, they tell you where to get them (4 lbs of them - Costco and Sam's Club are good alternates)...and since everyone should do one good deed in their life...I will let you know where to send those delicious DBCITBT...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asJjJVgF9kY

ENJOY!!! AND DON'T LET THIS POOR STARVING BTWC DOWN, PLEASE!!!

I LOVE DBCITBT!!! I LOVE THEM!!!

THANK YOU, MY GOOD FRIEND, MY BEST FRIEND, MY WONDERFUL FRIEND, MY CARING FRIEND, THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD FRIEND, FOR MY DELICIOUS GIFT OF DBCITBT!!! I LOVE THEM!!! I AM SAVORING EVERY BITE, EVERY MORSEL, AND I WILL CUT OFF THE HANDS OF ANYONE AUDACIOUS ENOUGH TO SNEAK A CRUMB OF DBCITBT!!! BUT ENOUGH OF DBCITBT - ANY COMMENTS ABOUT "TROPIC THUNDER?"

BTWC

My life or yours?

Who leads a better life, me or you? If I've already taken over yours, I do, and there is no need to comment. If you have a better life than me, please don't hesitate to comment on this blog, and write all pertinent information I will need to do a complete takeover of your life. You won't miss your life...trust me...I'm your friend, not your enemy...I'm helping you cope with society...I'm a saint...who takes over...

Offensive or Not?

Retard...offensive or not? That's the question of the day. I read an article (a very thought-provoking article) about "Tropic Thunder's" offensive use of the word Retard. What is a Retard, I ask? And who came up with the word Retard? According to the Oxford desk dictionary, Retard means "1. make slow or late. 2. delay the progress or accomplishment of." There's nothing offensive about the word Retard. Maybe in context, people find the word distasteful, but isn't the meaning accurate when describing a person who is slower mentally? And what if I start using the word Setard, describing someone who is mentally slow? Would SETARD suddenly become offensive and be the subject of several advocate groups, crying folly over a WORD? Maybe I should start making up words to mean the same as other offensive words (offensive to the people who deemed the word to be offensive - and who are they, may I ask - or is that a distasteful question?), and see what groups are going to be after me. Who decides when something is right or wrong? How can I be on that committee? I hate the word Oriental - I now proclaim that the word ORIENTAL is offensive and distasteful to the Asian community, and no longer should be used, along with the words DUMB, LAZY, and FAT (according to my dumb, lazy fat cat FATSO). Anyway, enough digressing about a topic no one else cares about...unless you do and want to comment on my blog.

BTWC IS BACK TO STAY!!!

Driving me into a stupor of morbidity and madness...

as I undress and flash the world with unsightly sights...when will this end...when will I come back to sunshine and happiness...please help me escape this dreary world of gloom and doom...Help! Please!...BTWC

What! Go back to the darkness of nothingness BTWC! I am here to stay! Your hopes and dreams will disappear with the darkness of gloom and doom. Gloomy Doom

Wait and see! I will escape from this dreariness and WILL NOT FALL INTO DESPAIR! BTWC

Happy Day for Gloomy Doom!

Thanks Blog Readers for your support of my doom and gloom! I will continue my mission on educating the public on how to lead a gloomy life full of doom. I appreciate the support and backing I receive from all of my dear blog readers...I must now go and wash myself of all this kindness and words of gratitude...

Gloomy Doom

Grave Robber

Ho, Ho, I say! Grave Robber! Now, that's an occupation worth delving into and demystifying the terrible reputation they have. Granted, grave robbers need to satisfy their craving for human interaction (if you can call it that), and they have a love for their job, but robbing graves! Gracious me, oh no! What a hideous occupation some might say, but is it so? Let's look at grave robbing from a different perspective, maybe from the perspective of the grave robber themselves. Grave robbers are lonely, and looking for ways to squelch that loneliness. What better way than robbing the grave for some cash? Everyone knows money buys happiness and satisfaction with life. Plus, the enjoyment they will have investigating their prey, dolling themselves up with their fancy work duds, and sweating and squealing as they go through hard physical labor to uncover their prize, is well worth the pain they will go through as they bury their prey once more. Grave Robbers - Rejoice in What You Do - And Dance a Little Jig - For Grave Robbing is What We All Want to Do!!!

Gloomy Doom

Dissipate into Nothingness...

and no one will notice I am Missing...in Mind and Soul. But dissipating into nothingness with a full stomach is hard to do...yet I will Succeed. And the Pressures of Life will Disappear with Me, until it Attaches onto an Unsuspecting Innocent, wide eyed and full of promise...Until Life Wears them down. No one is Safe...Don't Hide...for you will never escape the Dreariness of Life.

Happy Memorial Weekend

Gloomy Doom

Miss You Bloggers...

I don't! Ha ha! My life is gloomy and complicated enough without all the hassles and smiley faces from unwanted solicitors who want glowing accolades for deeds no one cares about except themselves! I only want to interact with those that are sad and unhappy with the way 2008 is going...to the pits of depression (financially and mentally) and beyond. Life is only good when Life is Gloomy and full of Doom. Good night, dear bloggers, tomorrow is another gloomy day.

Life is Like a Lemon...

Full of sourness and bitterness...when you take a giant bite of a freshly cut lemon, the smell is so sweet and promises delicious flavor as soon as the succulent flesh touches your tongue...but no...instead of sweetness and lovely flavor, all you taste is sour flesh that makes your face pucker and you realize there is no sweetness to life - I mean lemon, unless someone physically pours sugar onto your lemon slice - and since everyone is self absorbed and only thinks of themselves, there is no sweetener for anyone's sour lemon slice of life - and to make matters worse - you bit down on a hard seed and spit it out on the ground, where another lemon tree will grow and life becomes more sour by the minute...

Gloomy Doom
(I love the taste of sour lemons - Delicious!!!)

Poorness equals Grumpiness

With no money, I become GRUMPY!!! Click on my ads! Then I'll be filled with less Gloom and Doom. What am I saying? If you don't click on my ads, you just support my theory that the world is full of gloom and nothing will make it better!

Gloomy Doom

Free Money or Not?

I'm in a quandary over the free money government is doling out to qualified paying taxpayers of 2007. Is this truly the proper act? Or is this an easy way out for government to not have to deal with the more serious underlying issues this very act is trying to conceal? Free money is free money. I understand that. But if we paid taxes in 2007, didn't we probably overpay the government anyhow? So is this truly free money? I don't think so. Why doesn't the government use this money to create new jobs in the United States, thus a person will receive more than one check, thus creating a livable life - or so I hope. Or what about managing the country's finances a little bit better, and trying to curb the greed inside all of us, and regulate how much outside labor companies are allowed to hire. Granted, companies need to make their money, or how else are they going to afford their 5 million dollar homes, their vacation homes, their private island, or their 20 classic car collection? Of course, on the flip side, how are we suppose to afford gas that's quickly escalating to $4/gal in most states (if it's not already there) or even a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread when there are no jobs out there, or if there are, they barely pay more than minimum wage. Of course, if I don't have a job, then I guess I don't need gas for a car, and I can live off the waste in garbage bins behind restaurants and my neighbor's homes. Of course, with no job, there's no money, and there's no house, thus I'm living in a cardboard box stolen from an appliance store (since they have nice big boxes), and my neighbor is the ex manager of a company that went belly up due to lack of funds. But, at least I am receiving free money from the government, so I can go on a shopping spree and boost the economy, and forget about my money woes for one hour, until I walk back home to my cardboard box and realize maybe I should have spent my money more wisely. But, by golly, that steak and potato dinner was worth it - and so are the new pair of shoes on my swollen feet and the warm blanket I can now rest my weary body under and realize that tomorrow is another day, and to make the most of it, although there will be no more checks coming unless I can get some job - any job that thousands of unemployed or marginally employed people are not going after also. Good night, my dear friends. Enjoy your free money if you qualify for it, and spend it wisely, for another check may not even be in the distant future. And that is why the world is full of gloom.

Gloomy Doom

What's a nice way to say you're DUMB?

Anyone? How can I, Gloomy Doom, politely and without being condescending tell a person they are the dumbest person alive? How can I explain myself, without breaking it down to the very last detail, on why I believe they are dumb? What? What is that you say? Hmm, sounds interesting. Yes, I know I can handle that. I, Gloomy Doom, with utter conviction, will utter the words with warmth: "You're Dumb. Try to Change. If not, Gloomy Doom will become your fate." And gloominess is what life is all about. Embrace the doom of the future.

HA! HA! TAKEOVER IN EFFECT!

Hello, blogger fans of btwc. I hope you weren't getting too comfortable with that person's nonsensical blogging. Now is the time to be serious and gloomy. Life is gloomy. Life is full of doom. Never believe otherwise. Now, in the next couple of months, I will expound on the gloominess and doom of life. Don't worry, this will no longer be a happy, sunshine blog about Danish butter cookies and whatever other nonsense was spouted. Nope, we will talk about how life is cruel, and treats us poorly in every way. If anyone would like to add their gloomy thoughts onto my blog, feel free to do so. If you are one of those annoyingly cheerful people, please refrain from every going on this blog site, unless you plan on clicking on ads. If not, go save your cheerfulness for someone who is deaf and blind. Please do not inquire about the whereabouts of btwc. That person's life is of no more consequence. We need to focus on the gloominess of life.

Thank you,
Gloomy Doom

Blogger no more?

More to come...

Finally, a Wish Almost Fulfilled!

Today, I received a wonderful present. Not the best present ever, but very close. And now, I know there are truly kind people in the world. The tasty gift I received were...Danish Butter Cookies! Now, they weren't in the blue tin (Royal Dansk), but instead in a white tin and a brand I didn't know. I was dubious about the quallllllllll(oops, I was grabbing another cookie), but after a few nibbles and gobbles of maybe 1 or 2 or 5 cookies, I can safely say that after a few more taste tests I will be able to say how they stand to the Royal Dansk Danish Butter Cookies in the blue tin. Mmm, delicious. So crumbly and buttery. They are delicious, but are they as good as the Royal Dansk Danish Butter Cookies in the blue tin? Unfortunately, they are not. Very close, but not quite the same scrumptious taste as the Danish Butter Cookies in the blue tin. Alas, my very subtle pleas for these wonderful cookies still goes unheeded. Anyhoo, does anyone know how to get cookie crumbs off the keyboard? For anyone concerned, I will force myself to eat these yummy imitation Danish Butter Cookies, for I don't believe in wasting a good present. And thank you, blog reader, for my wonderful gift.

Can worry kill?

Can someone make themselves deathly ill by worry? Can they have food poisoning systems, such as upset stomach and pains in their belly and other gross things I would rather not mention in this G rated blog? And can someone actually die because of their worrisome thoughts? Hmm, if worrying can kill, how does someone innocently and not purposely start the chain of events that will eventually lead to someone's death? If anyone has any thoughts or examples of foil proof worry starters that will not lead to the instigator, comment on this blog using Danish Butter Cookies as code. And unless you want to die, don't worry so much over things you can't control.

"Fatso Kitty Poo Poo..."

Fatso Kitty Poo Poo,

Waddling through the forest,

Gobbling up the field mice,

And spittin' out fur and bones.

Down came the evil dietitian and said,

"Fatso Kitty Poo Poo,
I don't want to see you
Gobbling up the field mice
And spittin' out fur and bones.
I'll give you three chances,
And if you don't lose weight
I'll turn you into cookies!"

The next day:

Fatso Kitty Poo Poo,
Waddling through the forest,
Gobbling up the field mice
And spittin' out fur and bones.

Down came the evil dietitian and said:

"Fatso Kitty Poo Poo,
I don't want to see you
Gobbling up the field mice
And spittin' out fur and bones.
I'll give you two chances,
And if you don't lose weight,
I'll turn you into cookies!"

The next day:

Fatso Kitty Poo Poo,
Waddling through the forest,
Gobbling up the field mice
And spittin' out fur and bones.

Down came the evil dietitian and said:

Fatso Kitty Poo Poo,
I don't want to see you
Gobbling up the field mice
And spittin' out fur and bones.
I'll give you one more chance,
And if you don't lose weight,
I'll turn you into cookies!"

The next day:

Fatso Kitty Poo Poo,
Waddling through the forest,
Gobbling up the field mice
And spittin' out fur and bones.

Down came the evil dietitian and said:

Fatso Kitty Poo Poo,
I don't want to see you
Gobbling up the field mice
And spittin' out fur and bones.
I gave you three chances
And you didn't lose weight,
Now you're a cookie! Yum!"

What are Danish Butter Cookies?

What are these Danish butter cookies? I've never heard of them! And I certainly wouldn't be obsessed about something I know nothing of! Honestly, someone should get me some of these Danish Butter Cookies (in a blue tin), so I can try them out. I bet they are good. They probably melt in my mouth, and fill my tummy with deliciousness. And I bet the original Danish cookies are the best, not the other kinds where they experiment with weird things like chocolate. Who ever heard of chocolate? Hmm, obsessed with Danish Butter Cookies! Ridiculous!

Where's the letter " "?

Unbeknown to me, while sitting on the cushy couch, munching on butter cookies, drool running down my chin, one well known letter went missing. Where did it go? I don't know. Where do letters go when things become difficult? Obviously not in my blog. These delicious cookies melt in my mouth. Mmm. Mmm. Delicious. Girl Scout cookies come close to the deliciousness of the butter cookies, but they're not butter cookies. Let's see, where would letters run off too? Where would they go? If I decided to run off, I would go somewhere where I knew there would be butter cookies. Butter cookies. Delicious. Butter cookies. Mmm. Delicious. I wish the letter would pop up in my blog. Then I could let everyone know the type of butter cookies I desire. Mmm. Mmm. Butter cookies. How I desire thee. Melt in my mouth, delicious butter cookies. Melt in my mouth. Come to me. Come into my mouth. I will munch on you until there is nothing left of you. Mmm. Butter cookies. Missing letter, we need you!

Vacation days, where have you gone?

Vacation days, vacation days,
How I miss thee,
Once a treasured joy,
Now only a vague memory.
Here I am, waiting and waiting,
For my vacation days to appear,
While the Europeans are frolicking around,
Enjoying their 42 vacation days.
Where are my 13 days of vacation?
Are they going to be unused,
Like the 483 million vacation days last year?
Why vacation days have you forsaken me?
Why? I ask so forlornly,
Why have you disappeared to the European countries?
Come back to me!
Please come back!
I'll treat you well,
And treasure every moment we have together,
Laughing and frolicking like the Europeans.
I implore you vacation days,
I miss you so,
Please let me enjoy you once more!

Ode to Candy Thief

Candy thief, candy thief,
Steal my candy,
Crouching in the shadows,
Giant girth not hidden by anything,
Chin covered with drool,
Dreaming of stolen candy,
Melting in your mouth,
And wondering when the candy will be yours,
And wondering when the owner will leave,
And as chocolates dance in your head,
You waddle towards the candy,
Crushing all in your way,
To gobble and devour the chocolates,
While the owner is dead,
By YOU, CANDY THIEF!!!

Ahh, to be a cat! What a Wonderful Dream!

What a wonderful Life I would lead as a cat! Life full of eating, and sleeping, and curling under the covers with warm bodies, and being scratched behind the ears, and drinking cold water from my owner's cup, and cuddling on soft laps - what a life! And maybe I'll clean myself every once in a while, to keep my fur nice and soft and touchable. And maybe I'll let myself be held for a minute, to give my owner a feeling of being loved and wanted. And maybe I'll poop a little, and regurgitate a little, and shed a little, only so my owner realizes I need their caring help. And then back to my hard life of eating, sleeping, eating and sleeping some more!

The Importance of Sleep

The only thing I can say about the importance of Sleep:

When you are well rested, no one wants to kill you
(unless you are unlikable all the time)

Thank you and sleep well, for your life may depend on it.

Illegal Movie Pirates

Why is it so hard to steal movies off the internet? Am I not a tax paying citizen worthy of stealing movies and music from the net? Haven't I already contributed to the hugely overpaid celebrities whose movies I want to steal? Steal, steal, steal! Let's steal together! Let's steal movies, music and food and lovely confections from the bakery! Let's steal some new fancy shoes and a matching outfit to go with it! There are no consquences of stealing! No consquences of stealing at all! Steal, steal, steal! Stealing is fun and not dangerous! I won't get in trouble for stealing! Maybe I'll steal your life! Hopefully I'm stealing a good life! If I steal a life worst than mine, than stealing won't be worth it! Steal, steal, steal! Let's steal together!

Is Anyone Out There With At Least One Finger to Type Comments? Huh?

am i so boring and ridiculously crazy no one wants to comment or maybe give some constructive criticism on how my blog is doing or answer any of the questions i so carefully ask or maybe think that was an interesting thought maybe i should give my point of view regardless of what it may be or maybe no one actually reads my blogs because i am still waiting on my blue tin of buttery danish cookies that i haven't received from anyone but hey i'm not bitter or anything like that because i know people have lives and they don't have time to read blogs or buy yummy delicious cookies for the blogger and if you don't know where i live i can let you know where to send them or maybe take the time to let me know that you care about what i write and that maybe i have some good ideas in my blog but no don't bother with my blog so all i have to say is happy doom year 2008

Happy Gleeful Thoughts!

Life is a monster,
Huge, scary and cruel,
Always hungry for you,
Biting giant succulent chunks of you off,
Slowly, delightfully chewing and swallowing,
And in between meals,
Life takes sweet little nibbles of you,
And during these snack times,
You heal a little and grow a little,
Until Mealtime is upon you once more,
And More Giant chunks of you are taken,
And little nibbles to stave off hunger,
And you heal a little and grow a little,
Hurting so in every way of life,
Until Life's stomach grumbles and growls,
And the Giant Chunk Life Takes Is the Last,
And you are no more,
As are no more Happy Gleeful Thoughts.

"Ooo-de-lally"

As I was contemplating my lot in life, I came upon a realization so profound, so mind-boggling, so life-altering, I had to share it with my favorite bloggers: YOU.

I've put on a few pounds (or maybe more - but not as much as a baby hippo weighs - only as much as maybe one baby hippo leg), and as I was working today, I noticed how my pants were a little tighter in the waist. Actually, I think I lost circulation a couple of times during the day. And as I was struggling to breathe and act normally as all happy thoughts left my brain, I came upon a stunning revelation.

"SOCIETY NEEDS TO PAY ME MONEY FOR GAINING WEIGHT!!!"

What is the logical and reasonable explanation for this statement? Well, let me elaborate on my absolute theory.

If it was not for society and their conniving ways, I would not be fat - plain and simple. How am I suppose to avoid the brightly packaged chips and cookies and high fat goodies always at my eye level? How am I suppose to deafen my ears to happy jingles on the TV for mac and cheese, melt-in-your mouth chocolates and monstrous portions - all designed for me? How, I ask? How am I suppose to resist temptation, especially if temptation is always calling my name, "Darling, Honey, Sweetie, eat me! Eat me! How Delicious I am in Your Mouth! Eat me, BTWC?" Who has the power, the fortitude to resist such sweet callings? I am HUMAN!

Thus, my overweight condition, my addiction to lovely food, is not my fault at all. I take no blame. I am not guilty of indulging my food cravings with no self control. No, not at all. All the fault, all the blame, is solely on the shoulders of Society. Society owes me money, and if you agree, please comment and support this blog.

Thank you for your support in advance,
BTWC

G and D D are H to S

Gloom and Doom Days are Here to Stay...

Ha ha! And you thought 2008 was going to bring happiness and wealth and a better life! Ha ha! The joke's on you!!!

Gloomy Doom

Stolen Piracy Theme Poem

Piracy, Piracy, Piracy,
Sneering at all things white and lacy.
Stab my heart with a soiled sword,
Laughing at my gloomy dying words.
As I lay bleeding, weak and broken,
You ignore all reason spoken.
As my unfulfilled life flashes before me,
You steal my soul and finally see,
How some treasures are better left alone,
Such as a soul so tortured and forlorn.
Life is a Pirate one cannot win against,
Bleed, dream dreamless dreams,
My soulless soul will drift aimlessly through time,
And eventually evaporate into nothingness...

Fat Bulging Green Eyes Peering into Your Soul...

And seeing nothing...for the eyes belong to an animal with no brain, no soul...he's only an apparition...Always watching, suspicious of your every move, your every kick, your every poke...Always waiting...And never accomplishing anything...Except for eating and sleeping and crawling underneath spaces way too small for his fat frame...Watch out for those fat bulging green eyes...

HAPPY DOOM YEAR 2008!!!

Doom, doom, doom,
Life's full of gloom.
2008 is going to stink,
All happiness will sink,
Into a giant abyss,
And death will leave his fatal kiss,
On all who believe life is good.

HAPPY DOOM YEAR!!!

Author:
Gloomy Doom

Weirdo With Flashlight Peering into Microwave

Weirdo, weirdo, what's with you,
Peering in the window with your flashlight.
Watching with awe and fascination,
Hoping to see Olive Oil burst into flames,
Heating in the good ole microwave,
To dunk your hard stale bread in,
And causing mass hysteria in the complex,
As buildings burn and screams fill the air,
All to feed the hungry monster you call stomach.

Butt Dance

Butt Dance:

Keep feet firmly planted on ground
Wiggle butt - slow or fast - dancer's preference
Move arms - up and down or side to side
Smile and Laugh a lot
Have Fun!
Variations of the Butt Dance are encouraged

Best if wearing long underwear...and in the privacy of your own home...unless you have a stripper's body...keep shades down...spare innocent's eyes...for intentional blindness is frowned upon...and punishment is severe...an eternity of watching butt dancers in their long underwear...

Original Dance:
BTWC Dance Studio Inc. 2008

A Special Poem for Special Women Who Wear No Underwear

I'm a little lesbo,
Hips asway,
Here is my finger,
Where shall we lay?

A Special Poem For Special Guys Who Wear Long Underwear

I'm a little gay boy,
Stout and coy,
Here is my whistle,
Here is my toy.

Scrapple or Spam?

Which is better: Scrapple or Spam? Which makes a better sandwich: Scrapple or Spam? Scrapple or Spam? Hmm, which one would fill my tummy and make me yearn to eat more everyday? Scrapple or Spam? Scrapple or Spam? Which one I ask! Which one is going to satisfy my never ending hunger: Scrapple or Spam? Tell me - SCRAPPLE OR SPAM?