Facebook Hoarders - Die!!!

All those crazy facebook hoarders, the facebook people, you specifically, need to let others into your life. Let the people who are close to you peruse your facebook page with no boundaries. Let us delve into your personal life, and make comments about you and from you. Don't keep telling us to get our own facebook page, where people can take over and nothing is private anymore. LET US INVADE YOUR PRIVACY!!! And for all facebook hoarders who can't let go - DIE!!!

UnWise Moves In a Canoe...

Drown,Drown,Drown your boat,
Roughly down the stream,
Heavily, heavily, heavily, heavily,
Life is but a dream.

Boys, Boys, Boys don't shout,
Screaming for your life,
Breathlessly, breathlessly, breathlessly, breathlessly,
Life is full of strife.

Think, Think, Think some more,
Life altering thoughts,
Too heavy, too heavy, too heavy, too heavy,
Three La Lones in a boat!

Bornegast

Summer Musings, Again

Summer is here,
Sun shining in my face,
Watermelon juice dribbling down my chin,
Children laughing in the distance,
Leisurely reading my favorite novel,
Munching on freshly picked cherries,
Creating cloud-shaping fun in the blue sky,
Feeling the breeze over the crystal blue lake,
Chomping on delicious grill scorched dogs,
Making a mountain of a s'more,
Exploring the nearby forests and parks,
Exercising my fatso cat outside,
Eagerly anticipating my gigantic tomatoes to ripen,
Fresh catnip gobbled by my druggie kitties,
Watching fireworks on the 4th of July,
These are some of my favorite things,
During the short summer months of a Northern State,
But alas, because of the cruelness of fate,
I am forever doomed to be inside,
Selling products no one wants and can afford,
While I sadly watch my life go by,
When will this end?
My dear friends,
When can I finally realize my full potential,
And enjoy life the way it's meant to be enjoyed,
Not cooped up in a building all day,
Looking out the dirty windows,
As the sunlight taunts my every move,
I sigh and sigh and sigh,
And pop a overripe melon in my mouth,
And with false sunniness I greet customers,
As they grimly ignore my every attempt for human contact,
And rudely treat me as a servant,
And ignore my need for happiness and sunshine,
And leave with no purchases,
As I gaze sadly out the window,
Wondering if I can possibly escape,
This sadness welling up inside of me,
Please don't let life pass you by,
And unless you believe in reincarnation,
You only have one life to live,
So live life to the fullest,
And disregard Society's need to suck away life's happiness,
With the misconceived notion of work, work, work,
For work does not bring fulfillment,
And escape the doomed fate I have,
Of withering away into nothingness,
And nothing to show for it.

Enjoy my Summer Musings,
And Remember,
Life is Short,
Live to the Fullest

Or Die within the Prison Walls of Work

Wow, there's nothing on...

the telly tube,
yet here I am,
flipping through channel
after channel,
surfing the guide
for a glimpse of entertainment,
lounging on the couch,
fist full of chips,
munching and spewing food all over,
staring blankly at the screen,
of visionary mush,
and oh my,
I come to a startling realization,
Wow, there's nothing on...

I'm Back!!!!!!

I'm back, I'm back, I'm back! Now, you're probably asking "where have you been?", if anyone is actually reading this blog. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I traveled a long weary distance full of anger, disenchantment, gloom, bad karma (if it exists), rainy dark clouds, thorny bushes, battled wild carnivore beasts (and lost a finger or two - but not the all important thumb and we all know which other one), angry pedestrians, angry mothers, angry mad french canadians, angry shoppers, angry drivers, angry politicians, angry law enforcers, angry food service employees, well, basically every type of angry person out there. And guess what? I've learned nothing! I will continue on my travels, hoping beyond hope, that there is some glimpse of sunshine, some glimpse of a beautiful rainbow amongst all this anger and despair. For believe me all non believers of disenchantment and gloom, life is full of anger and one day the anger will gobble up the entire universe! And then what you ask? We will live in eternity in anger's digestive system, for the digestive system of anger does not lead to freedom as all digestive systems should. Oh no, we will rot and rot away in anger's stomach, never fully disintegrating...for that is the fate of mankind.

Drowning in Disenchantment and Disheartenment

Dear Fellow Readers,

Will this be the end of my blog days? For the last couple of months, disenchantment and disheartenment darken my doorstep, drowning me in uncertainty and anger and a loss of direction. Change is good, preach the changeless, the constant, the ignorant. For the term good is only defined by the person affected by the "good changes." Why is life so hard? Why is life a burden to those trying to lead a good life; a life skirting the ideals and moral aptitudes designed by greedy politicians, immoral monopolies, money driven degenerates? Life is bogging me down, and all is affected by the struggle I endure...plus certain companies whose unchecked power dictates proper behavior, thus hindering my extra income, unmotivates me to continue on. For who am I fighting against? And why? For all I see is insufferable loss, and very little gain...except a tiny outlet to express my emotions...which may or may not be what I am truly feeling. This is a guessing game in the game of life. We put on our game face, and every once in a while a crack may appear, but mended quickly. Mended well? Who knows, but all I do know is what is going on in my life, and how I am struggling to mend the cracks in my facade. Cracks probably created by me, or by outside forces of nature, but are almost impossible to mend without the proper tools. And what are the proper tools? Who knows, and if anyone does, please let me know. For drowning in disenchantment and disheartenment is a terrible way to go...

Pinkie Prose

Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie,
What a useless piece of toe,
What is your purpose?
What is your design?
For all you do is cause me pain,
Pinkie toe that you are,
For no shoes will fit,
Cause of you pinkie toe,
And I see a tailors bunion on the rise,
Cause of you pinkie toe,
And thus when I wear sandals,
All will see a huge deformed bump,
On my poor little toe,
Cause of you pinkie toe,
Cause of you pinkie toe,
What is your purpose?
What is your design?
Pinkie oh pinkie,
You I will not miss,
If you suddenly disappeared,
And thus no disgusting bump,
Cause there is no pinkie toe.

Bank Woes Remedied...But for how long?

B of A,
Luckily for them,
Has risen .1 millimeter,
In the ladder of BTWC forgiveness,
For after a struggle and a war,
With many casualties of words,
And after two IDENTICAL automated email responses,
BTWC has finally received one teensy victory,
If a victory it can be called,
And thus, B of A,
Even though I still despise you,
And everything you don't stand for,
I will still bank with you,
Cause laziness will always overcome what is right.

Bank Woes...Once Again...

B of A, the lousy lout,
Cares about no one except themselves,
Let's all give a great hearty shout,
And recoil in horror from what's delved,
From the pits of inhumanity and lies,
B of A shame on you,
For ignoring the average man's cries,
And sidestepping all decent cues,
To become a better financial institution,
Instead let us go to a new bank,
Let a new bond come to fruition,
And let the old one tank.

If anyone is happy with where they bank, can they please let me know? I'm disillusioned by BoA, as are many others.

Thanks!
BTWC

Today was the last day of our Russian Substitute...

What will he do next? What does a Russian Substitute do? Murder and ravage innocents? Kick fat cats with small brains? Work at Mickey D's for a fraction of what he used to earn? And endure the taunts and humiliation of teenagers who have not suffered by the hands of time...yet...Or will he sit in front of the tube, eating chips and pizza and cheese from a can and live off of unemployment? What does a Russian Substitute do? What can he substitute for? A next door neighbor, with a winning smile, but murderous intentions? A dog walker, where he can kick and abuse innocent animals? Or can he easily blend into a crowd of self righteous zealots, interested only in their self preservation, and nothing else? Will he become the American norm? Is that what he will substitute for? The average American? And how can a foreigner assimilate so easily into the average American? What makes the average American stand out? Or is that an oxymoron? Watch out! Who knows when you will meet the Russian Substitute!!!

I am a dog...

I am a dog. This is not an exaggeration, nor is it a metaphor...I bark. I pant. In many ways, human, my life is superior to yours. I can lick anything. Bark, bark, woof, woof...I'm a dawg, dawg, dawg...
But I'm also a scientist.
Inventor of the poo-flavored pig-ear, that's me. I did my dogtoral work at Snarling Green. It's hard to write dog jokes...

Guest Writer: Dullard

RETICULATE! I SAY!!!

Reticulation, Reticulation
Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation, Reticulation
Reticulate, Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation, Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate, Reticulate, Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate, Reticulate,
Reticulation, Reticulation,
Reticulate,
What a beautiful network!

My mind is completely blank!

All the time! I'm going to be quiet...for my mind is completely blank!

Guest Writer: Dullard

What?

What is going on? I don't know. Dum de dum, dum de dum...runs through my head every day. Dum de dum, dum de dum. Hum, what's this? A half eaten peanut butter and honey sandwich stuck to my ample rear? Yummy! I'll down this with this lumpy milk. Delicious! Dum de dum, dum de dum. Look at the pretty flowers. Look at the pretty trodden flowers. Ha ha! Ha ha! Dum de dum, dum de dum. La de dah, la de dah. Wondering through this dark forest. Filled with darkness and giant looming trees. La de dah, la de dah. What! Help! A hungry bear! Oh no, run Forrest, run! Dum de dum, dum de dum. Look at that! A pizza joint! Yummy food in my tummy. Dum de dum, dum de dum...let me eat my pizza!

Guest Writer: Dullard

Dullard's Discourse

Dum de dum, dum de dum, dum de dum,
Sloshing a tankard of delicious rum,
Stumbling over my gigantic feet,
As I totter towards a beautiful lovely,
Whoa! I stagger away from the slovenly,
Bumping into a table of drunkards,
Low and behold there's a chunkard,
Waddling menacing towards my frightened self,
What can I do except hide behind a tiny elf,
Who happens to be an angry drunk dwarf,
I save myself by using telekinesis to morph,
But wait, I accidentally split myself in half,
As the bar erupts into hearty side splitting laughs,
And I walk my bottom half to my top,
Wishing I could make this madness stop,
But alas, as the Dullard I am,
All I can do is avoid the wham,
Of a chunkards fist in my belly,
And as I spew all over the telly,
I decide next time I'll stand in line,
Instead of guzzling a bottle of wine,
When they hand out the brains,
And a Dullard's Discourse will be no more.

Guest Writer: Dullard

Doggerel

Let's learn to walk today!
Little boys and girls,
Off to the woods we go,
Holding hands and singing songs,
Lift a foot high in the air,
And plop the foot down,
Raise the other foot,
And plop the foot down,
And there we go a walkin',
Off into the woods,
And if the body hops a little,
There we go a skippin',
Off into the woods,
And as the bear approaches,
Lift the feet higher and faster,
And off we go a runnin',
Down the slope into water,
And kick your legs and flail your arms,
And off we go a swimmin',
Away from the shocks of an electric eel,
And finally we are home,
Draggin' our feet in tiredness,
But we had a grand day,
Of learning how to walk!