Days of Week Part 3

Sunday,
Maulday,
Tuesday,
Wednesday,
Thrashday,
Friday,
Stabday

BTWC

Clean vs Swept

Me:  "Did you clean the laundry room floor?" (I asked him to wash the floor)

Partner: "I swept it" (I already knew the answer)

Me:  "I guess washing and swept are the same thing according to "the lazy cleaners guide" by j.m.lazy, out last fall for $29.99.  I thought I saw you pick up a copy a few months ago.  FYI, I read reviews about the book, and most reviews said the book itself was lazily written, with most instructions incomplete or missing chunks of vital information.  You may want to get your money back."

Partner - no response

BTWC

Days of Week Part 2

Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thrashday
Friday
Stabday

BTWC

Mystery Smell?

I kept smelling a smell on the bed.  Thought the blankets needed washing, since it's been awhile, and you continually sleep in the bed, emanating stink wave after stink wave.  But alas, that was not the entire case.  Part of the smell was your body, but the other...cat poop beside me.  M.U.S.K.y loves me, this I know, for her actions tell me so!

Expectations

Expect the UnExpected,
               but
               the
UnExpected is Expected

btwc

Uh Oh

uh oh,
snow is falling,
uh oh,
temps below 20's,
uh oh,
it's only november,
uh oh,
thanksgiving has yet to pass,
uh oh,
yet,
uh oh,
i sadly proclaim,
uh oh,
winter is here to stay


to properly read the poem, use different tones and pitches for the "uh oh"...thanks to clair
btwc

Days of Week

Sunday,
Monday,
Tuesday,
Wednesday,
Thursday,
Friday,
Stabday

BTWC

Twig

Twigs are interesting.  They are little branches off of trees.  Are twigs useful?  Maybe.  You can thrash someone with a twig, although I would bundle a bunch of twigs together for a more "meaningful" thrashing.  Or you can make a small fire with a cornucopia of twigs.  Maybe take a couple of twigs and build a beautiful structure that's open to interpretation by mindless admirers.  Whittle a twig into a giant toothpick, menacing clueless people with food stuck in their teeth.  Build a nest for the almost extinct eagle, lining the inside with rabbit fur you plucked from a poor innocent bunny hopping along the forest.  Yes, I believe twigs are quite useful.  I believe I proved my point with this paragraph.  What are you going to create with twigs?

BTWC

Meridian

Meridian, Meridian,
How I loathe you,
Great Imaginary Circle You Are,
Not connecting anything,
Yet you exist,
To Muddle,
To Manipulate,
To Mystify,
Confused youngsters,
Sitting in Geography Class,
Teacher drones on and on,
About a Great Imaginary Circle,
How I loathe you,
Meridian, Meridian,
How I loathe you...

BTWC

Sunset Overdrive

Purples, Pinks, Yellows,
Blues, Oranges, Reds,
Rainbow sky makes me smile,
But then,
I realize the sky is in
SUNSET OVERDRIVE,
thus the sun has to rest for the night.

BTWC

Clair, cont

I'm so glad I spend more time with my daughter than in the past.  If I didn't, I would have missed out on her double poop in the same diaper.  How's this possible?  Well, she pooped once, decided she didn't get it all out of her system, and pooped again before the first poopy diaper had been changed.  The joys and pleasures of being a parent.  You should think of staying home more often, Dad. That way, you won't miss out on these so important times in her life.

BTWC

Lottery

Please buy a winning lottery ticket.  It's a myth that I want a losing ticket.

BTWC

Under the Sky

Green Grass.  Leafy Trees.  Beautiful blooms of flowers.  Barns full of giant, powerful horses.  Crystal blue turquoise water with gentle waves lapping the shore.  Dolphins playing.  Big cats stalking prey.  Fluffy bunnies hopping through the forest.  Double rainbows filling the void...Bang!  Bang!  Dead bodies littered throughout, Dilapidated homes for the depraved, Puppies and Kittens cruelly harmed, Anger and Cruelty Abound.  Change Humanity, or all will be lost Under the Sky

BTWC

Snatched by a BEAR!!!

Visiting the Brother-in-Law,
La, La, La,
Out in the boonies,
La, La, La,
On a dark rainy day in fall,
La, La, La,
Driven by a loony,
La, La, La,
Telling scary tales of a bear,
La, La, La,
While baby is sleeping,
La, La, La,
Atmosphere is full of fear,
La, La, La,
As the darkness is deepening,
La, La, La,
And as we drive along dark roads,
La, La, La,
No lights to lead the way,
La, La, La,
We are shivering from the cold,
La, La, La
Wishing it was day,
La, La, La,
And as we approach the dark house,
La, La, La,
Wind howling loudly,
La, La, La,
We step out quiet as a mouse,
La, La, La,
Baby still sleeping soundly,
La, La, La,
When out of the darkness,
La, La, La,
Baby is snatched by a BEAR!
La, La, La,
With such precise markedness,
La, La, La,
Heart beating furiously with fear,
La, La, La,
I smack the bear with a stick,
La, La, La,
While husband cowers near,
La, La, La,
I light a giant candle wick,
La, La, La,
And let the flame sear,
La, La, La,
Into the bear's flesh,
La, La, La,
I grab my baby,
La, La, La,
Feeling very blessed,
La, La, La,
We survived a BEAR SNATCHING!

Dreamed by BTWC's Husband

Clair

Teenage Clair, with her shaggy hair, gave a tremendous poop, filled with goo goo beans and mush mush.  Exhilarating.  Stinky.  Oh so pleased I was chosen to receive such an honor.  Next time, Daddy, next time.  Do not despair.  Save your tears for another time, a time of geriatric poops, poops that are not contained, and when Clair has no memory of her bowel movements.  That day will come soon.  Soon, I say.

BTWC

Iron

Iron my clothes, Hobbit!  Can't you see how rumpled I am?  Heat the iron to scorching hot! Scorching Hot I say! Isn't the iron hot yet, Valet?  Come on manservant, do your job!  Iron my clothes!  Useless, useless.  Don't you know how to iron?  Is Ironing a long forgotten art?  Don't use starch minion!  Water, water, water.  Steam is much better for my clothes.  Finally, serf, you've done your job.  Now I can present myself to the public, in nice pressed clothes.  I feel better already.

BTWC

Help with Posts!

Hello,

I would like some help with topics to write about.  You can suggest a word, a phrase, a sentence or a general topic.

I may write in paragraph form, poetry or free form, whichever suits my fancy for that day.

Disclaimer:
I will spend exactly zero seconds researching the word, phrase, sentence or general topic (or maybe more depending on how captivating the suggestion is).  Thus, since I am not well versed in every word or topic, my post may seem nonsensical to the non-creative mind.  But I assure you, dear readers, there is always some tidbit of useless information in my writings.  Creativity cannot be stifled by the reasonable or realistic voices out there to squash my viewpoints (or are they truly what I believe?).  No, my voice will be heard, loud and clear, through the muddling ramblings of my blog.

No obscenities, please.

Thank you dear readers for your help,
BTWC

avocado chimpanzee

Holy Avocado!
Look at that chimpanzee!
Arms flailing,
Mouth foaming,
Teeth baring,
Chest puffed,
Legs akimbo,
All cause I stole his banana!

BTWC

Savage

Savagery is his name,
Savagery is his game,
No one is safe from his savagery,
Savage in his words,
Savage in his actions,
Savage in his thoughts,
Savage in his emotions,
Savagery tattooed throughout,
No scattered savagery,
But constant savagery,
Savagery so thick,
Savagery so harsh,
Savage is his game,
Savage is his name.

BTWC

Stinkerocious!

Stinkerocious!
My, such a stench wafting from such a tiny person!
Greenish brown, not quite solid, not quite liquid,
Almost, but not quite! spilling out,
Dozens and dozens of wipes later,
And finally,
A cantankerous baby no more,
Smiling, babbling, drinking and eating,
Until the next STINKEROCIOUS poop!

BTWC

Greenery Sprouts from Lush Rotten Carrots

Rotten carrot dangling in my view,
Far enough away I can't smell or see how rotten you are,
Enticing and swinging in my line of vision,
Wherever I go,
There you are,
Rotten Carrot,
Taunting,
Teasing,
Beguiling,
Almost Bewitching,
In the lies wafting from your stench,
Yet,
As I come closer and closer,
Yet never close enough to touch,
I realize the golden carrot is rotten to the core,
So I sit back,
And Wait,
And Wait,
And Wait,
Until,
The weight of the rottenness of the carrot
Overcomes the thin overstretched cord dangling the carrot,
And the rotten carrot settles in the dirt,
Creating a lush soil for Greenery to Sprout,
Young,
Fresh,
Bright Orange Carrots,
Delightful scent,
Sweet first crunch,
Promises of Golden Carrots in abundance,
For those who wait.

BTWC back again