Who reads my blogs?

I have a question, a very important question, a question that has haunted me since Christmas, a question I am sure you are wondering yourself, although it does not affect you, a question so thought-provoking and filled with emotional turmoil I am almost afraid to ask:

WHERE ARE MY BUTTERY DANISH COOKIES IN THE BLUE TIN?

Does no one read my very interesting and self-absorbed and nonsensical blog? Does no one care? Boohoo, I am going to eat all the stale baked confections from Christmas, and not think of those delicious, buttery danish cookies melting in my mouth...

Absolute Truth: Good People Come in Last

I will be the brave soul, the depressing and absolutely loathsome person, the truth telling, no lies told blogger, who will write down the words no one wants to hear or read because of the irrevocable truth these words hold:

GOOD PEOPLE COME IN LAST...BAD PEOPLE COME IN FIRST...TRAMPLING THE GOOD PEOPLE TO DEATH...ENJOYING LIFE ON GOOD PEOPLE'S EXPENSE...AND THIS ABSOLUTE TRUTH WILL NEVER END...LONG LIVE THE BAD PEOPLE...HOPEFULLY YOU ARE ONE OF THEM...

FOR I AM NOT...AND LIFE IS KILLING ME

Favorite Scarytale of Lonemiesters!

Once upon a time, in a far away land, lived the valley of the dolls. Realistic, squishy rubber dolls, dressed to the nines with beautiful real hair, face artistically made up and clothes that fit snugly on their perfect bodies. Wonderful companions these dolls were, providing endless comfort and long lasting friendship.

One day, not long ago, real live human women tried to overtake these dolls. The dolls that took over their men's lives, and became a "Stepford" wife to lonely men. Sure, the dolls couldn't cook, or carry a conversation, or enjoy a delicious meal, or even walk on their own, but by golly, could they bring joy to a lonely man's heart. With much cat fighting (mainly on the real women's part), and cursing and yelling, the human women left, defeated and embarrassed. How could fake women beat real live human women? How? They wondered, as they walked back to their cozy homes with live animals as pets, and live children to nurture and care for.

How did the dolls win? Because this is a scarytale for lonemiesters! Beware live women, for a doll may soon take over your life!!!

Idiocy Abounds in Everyone!

I have to admit, sometimes I do the most idiotic things that bring consequences I do not want to face, or resolve. For that brief moment of happiness, or oblivion, my actions are incomprehensible. I like to say that I'm the only one who does idiotic things every once in a while, but I find that I'm not alone. Happily, I'm not alone. Actually, I have yet to meet someone who does not act idiotically from time to time. In fact, I don't think anyone exist or ever existed, or who will exist, that will not be an idiot at one point in their life (and we all know once is far from realistic).

So, for all those people out there who think they are the biggest idiots in the world, take hope...IDIOCY ABOUNDS IN EVERYONE!!!

BMI - I'm Fat!!!

According to my BMI (Body Mass Index), I'm .1 away from being overweight. Fat. Pleasantly plump (so the courteous people say). Huge. Humongous. Waddle, waddle, waddle.

Now, I know I have to lose a few pounds or so (or maybe 10), but to consider me overweight? Who calculates this stuff? Who sits around and decides who's overweight, underweight, just right or obese? I was watching a show about a teenager who weighed almost 500 pounds! Now that's obese! That's overweight! Sure, maybe I have a few extra flabs of skin that shouldn't be there, or I heave up 2 stairs, out of breath, and buttery danish cookie crumbs falling from my mouth, but to say that I'm fat? I don't think so. My mumus are beautiful and comfortable! And my sweat pants have never let me down!

What defines a person as fat? And is that so terrible in our society - a society filled with greed, lust, conceit, back-stabbers, serial murderers and diseases that cannot be cured? How is a little bit of flesh going to harm anyone (except maybe me - but just a little bit). And do I have to live my life dictated by a society so focused on physical appearance? If I want another sundae, so be it! I will have gooey caramel dripping down my chin (or chins) and sprinkles melting in my mouth. I will live a life worth living - filled with delicious pastries, pizzas and delectables I can't even begin to describe. For Life is Better ______, but as of now, eat your way through life!

And then jump on the trampoline to relieve some of the guilt associated with enjoying food.

And then bake a batch of warm chocolate brownies, topped with ice cream and fudge.

And then run 5 miles to forget the happiness food brought you.

And then stop by the local fast food joint and scarf down a burger and fries and large drink.

And then lift weights at the gym with other sweaty and food-starved gym members.

And then pick up a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and a six-pack.

And then weigh yourself and calculate your BMI and remember, life is short, everyone dies, die happy.

Where have all the shoppers gone?

Where are all the cranky, self-centered, self-absorbed, greedy shoppers? Where have they gone? Where's all the bad drivers who always cut you off, and go through every red light? Where are the complainers who wait in long lines, sighing and heaving in impatience? Where are the cheapskates who want 99% off everything, and yell at you for high prices (according to them)? Where are the heartless shoppers, who forget retailers open earlier and close later with no days off - all for the missing shoppers? What's going on? This is no ordinary Christmas - with mostly nice holiday shoppers with smiles and patience. What's happening? Is it because no one's buying anything for anyone - that this state is in a terrible financial state? Come on! There's plenty of dollar stores out there! Buy something! People's livelihood depend on Holiday Shoppers!

Buttery Deliciousness in my Stocking

All I want for Christmas is a giant tin of The Royal Dansk Danish Butter Cookies! Mmmm, Mmmm! The extra ten pounds I gain from eating them will be worth it! Who cares if I'm out of breath climbing two stairs, or can't chase my 19 pound cat around - buttery deliciousness melting in my mouth is worth wearing mumus and elastic extensions in my pants. I've been a good BTWC this year, I think I deserve the cookies! Cookies! Cookies! Cookies in my mouth and tummy! Delicious!

Simple Musings About Nothing

I started this blog as a way to express my feelings, to relieve stress and to have a little fun. I'm not terribly serious about anything I write, and I feel that to write about my actual life would bore the bejeebers out of everyone. My life bores me at times. I do the same things day in and day out, only I meet different people throughout the day. Luckily, I do interact with various sorts, for my job involves repetitive words and motions that lost my interest long ago.

What made me decide to write today is because I read some inspirational words that brings hope to me and to others. I tend to be more on the dark and dreary side, with some lightheartedness thrown in. I don't take too much seriously with what I write, although I do put thought into my blogs. Plus, all my blogs are triggered by something that happened to me that day. Do I always have Dark and Dreary Days? Of course not, but sometimes life seems to have a giant gray cloud floating over my bare head, and out of nowhere pours and pours and pours one trial and tribulation after another. But, whenever it rains, it also shines beautiful sunlight, where we can see the glistening of raindrops on the fertile land we live on. And, on rare occasions, we will glimpse a rainbow that will take our breath away. And despite it all, we do find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...whether the gold is a bonus check from work, a call from a long-lost friend, warm gatherings with family and friends, or a nice relaxing and peaceful evening off. Life may bring unexpected hurts and pains to our fragile existence, but it also brings a bountiful of goodness - we just need to keep our eyes, ears and hearts open to what life offers.

My dear and wonderful blog readers, so far and few of you exist, if you took the time to read this, take the time to read "Friendship" by the Big Man in Michigan. It's worth your while, and more thought-provoking and life-altering than any of my blogs will ever be...but at least mine are entertaining (good or bad!).
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