As I was contemplating my lot in life, I came upon a realization so profound, so mind-boggling, so life-altering, I had to share it with my favorite bloggers: YOU.
I've put on a few pounds (or maybe more - but not as much as a baby hippo weighs - only as much as maybe one baby hippo leg), and as I was working today, I noticed how my pants were a little tighter in the waist. Actually, I think I lost circulation a couple of times during the day. And as I was struggling to breathe and act normally as all happy thoughts left my brain, I came upon a stunning revelation.
"SOCIETY NEEDS TO PAY ME MONEY FOR GAINING WEIGHT!!!"
What is the logical and reasonable explanation for this statement? Well, let me elaborate on my absolute theory.
If it was not for society and their conniving ways, I would not be fat - plain and simple. How am I suppose to avoid the brightly packaged chips and cookies and high fat goodies always at my eye level? How am I suppose to deafen my ears to happy jingles on the TV for mac and cheese, melt-in-your mouth chocolates and monstrous portions - all designed for me? How, I ask? How am I suppose to resist temptation, especially if temptation is always calling my name, "Darling, Honey, Sweetie, eat me! Eat me! How Delicious I am in Your Mouth! Eat me, BTWC?" Who has the power, the fortitude to resist such sweet callings? I am HUMAN!
Thus, my overweight condition, my addiction to lovely food, is not my fault at all. I take no blame. I am not guilty of indulging my food cravings with no self control. No, not at all. All the fault, all the blame, is solely on the shoulders of Society. Society owes me money, and if you agree, please comment and support this blog.
Thank you for your support in advance,
BTWC
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