Ode to Candy Thief

Candy thief, candy thief,
Steal my candy,
Crouching in the shadows,
Giant girth not hidden by anything,
Chin covered with drool,
Dreaming of stolen candy,
Melting in your mouth,
And wondering when the candy will be yours,
And wondering when the owner will leave,
And as chocolates dance in your head,
You waddle towards the candy,
Crushing all in your way,
To gobble and devour the chocolates,
While the owner is dead,
By YOU, CANDY THIEF!!!

Ahh, to be a cat! What a Wonderful Dream!

What a wonderful Life I would lead as a cat! Life full of eating, and sleeping, and curling under the covers with warm bodies, and being scratched behind the ears, and drinking cold water from my owner's cup, and cuddling on soft laps - what a life! And maybe I'll clean myself every once in a while, to keep my fur nice and soft and touchable. And maybe I'll let myself be held for a minute, to give my owner a feeling of being loved and wanted. And maybe I'll poop a little, and regurgitate a little, and shed a little, only so my owner realizes I need their caring help. And then back to my hard life of eating, sleeping, eating and sleeping some more!

The Importance of Sleep

The only thing I can say about the importance of Sleep:

When you are well rested, no one wants to kill you
(unless you are unlikable all the time)

Thank you and sleep well, for your life may depend on it.

Illegal Movie Pirates

Why is it so hard to steal movies off the internet? Am I not a tax paying citizen worthy of stealing movies and music from the net? Haven't I already contributed to the hugely overpaid celebrities whose movies I want to steal? Steal, steal, steal! Let's steal together! Let's steal movies, music and food and lovely confections from the bakery! Let's steal some new fancy shoes and a matching outfit to go with it! There are no consquences of stealing! No consquences of stealing at all! Steal, steal, steal! Stealing is fun and not dangerous! I won't get in trouble for stealing! Maybe I'll steal your life! Hopefully I'm stealing a good life! If I steal a life worst than mine, than stealing won't be worth it! Steal, steal, steal! Let's steal together!

Is Anyone Out There With At Least One Finger to Type Comments? Huh?

am i so boring and ridiculously crazy no one wants to comment or maybe give some constructive criticism on how my blog is doing or answer any of the questions i so carefully ask or maybe think that was an interesting thought maybe i should give my point of view regardless of what it may be or maybe no one actually reads my blogs because i am still waiting on my blue tin of buttery danish cookies that i haven't received from anyone but hey i'm not bitter or anything like that because i know people have lives and they don't have time to read blogs or buy yummy delicious cookies for the blogger and if you don't know where i live i can let you know where to send them or maybe take the time to let me know that you care about what i write and that maybe i have some good ideas in my blog but no don't bother with my blog so all i have to say is happy doom year 2008

Happy Gleeful Thoughts!

Life is a monster,
Huge, scary and cruel,
Always hungry for you,
Biting giant succulent chunks of you off,
Slowly, delightfully chewing and swallowing,
And in between meals,
Life takes sweet little nibbles of you,
And during these snack times,
You heal a little and grow a little,
Until Mealtime is upon you once more,
And More Giant chunks of you are taken,
And little nibbles to stave off hunger,
And you heal a little and grow a little,
Hurting so in every way of life,
Until Life's stomach grumbles and growls,
And the Giant Chunk Life Takes Is the Last,
And you are no more,
As are no more Happy Gleeful Thoughts.

"Ooo-de-lally"

As I was contemplating my lot in life, I came upon a realization so profound, so mind-boggling, so life-altering, I had to share it with my favorite bloggers: YOU.

I've put on a few pounds (or maybe more - but not as much as a baby hippo weighs - only as much as maybe one baby hippo leg), and as I was working today, I noticed how my pants were a little tighter in the waist. Actually, I think I lost circulation a couple of times during the day. And as I was struggling to breathe and act normally as all happy thoughts left my brain, I came upon a stunning revelation.

"SOCIETY NEEDS TO PAY ME MONEY FOR GAINING WEIGHT!!!"

What is the logical and reasonable explanation for this statement? Well, let me elaborate on my absolute theory.

If it was not for society and their conniving ways, I would not be fat - plain and simple. How am I suppose to avoid the brightly packaged chips and cookies and high fat goodies always at my eye level? How am I suppose to deafen my ears to happy jingles on the TV for mac and cheese, melt-in-your mouth chocolates and monstrous portions - all designed for me? How, I ask? How am I suppose to resist temptation, especially if temptation is always calling my name, "Darling, Honey, Sweetie, eat me! Eat me! How Delicious I am in Your Mouth! Eat me, BTWC?" Who has the power, the fortitude to resist such sweet callings? I am HUMAN!

Thus, my overweight condition, my addiction to lovely food, is not my fault at all. I take no blame. I am not guilty of indulging my food cravings with no self control. No, not at all. All the fault, all the blame, is solely on the shoulders of Society. Society owes me money, and if you agree, please comment and support this blog.

Thank you for your support in advance,
BTWC